What Happened To Me In Between Timeouts

Hiking to the Aragats, Armenia

As time passed by, I have to think what happened to me. Why I have to leave the job that sustains me and my family? Why I got burnout so easily? What went wrong?

I need a timeout.

Leaving the job was really an easy decision for me while for others it was too risky. I have the chance and time to search for a new job, but I didn’t. I applied thru email to at least 5 facilities and that’s it.

I just waited to finish my contract and planned something good that is too far to what I was doing. I’ll travel. I will do what I think will make me happy.

Over this transition time, I calmed myself as I’m too excited to this new venture. I have to think what happened to me. And this is what I realized:

I am frustrated why I’m still not rich.

I’m angry why I should have to work alone and be filled with much financial responsibilities.

I am tired of not being able to control my own time. Why I have to work for long hours.

I am showing a happy and enthusiast personality but deep inside I was searching for something better and more meaningful to do. I traveled and the happiness was real. But it doesn’t take long and I feel being depressed again. Traveling became an addiction to gain temporary happiness. I don’t want to stop traveling and so spending money here and there. I work and spend. I am compensating the burnout with traveling but it wasn’t the solution for me. I assessed myself and I know I am bound to fail already.

So I made the best decision: quit my job, take a break, rest, think and listen to really do what I want to do.

That decision is really a leap of faith without border. I don’t know what the future holds, but I believe something great is coming. It was a total surrender, followed by seeking discernment.

Three months after out of corporate job, the first month of being in a career break was totally fun. It was a new breathe of air. I was embracing freedom. I was unstoppable. Future seems to be out of sight and I didn’t care. What’s important was the present moment.

Life went on, some nasty things happened in between. I lost my focus. I am still the same old person who keeps anger and emotions inside. The great pretender, maybe. It was hard to loosen things. But being surrounded by the so-called “victims” and kept on talking about it, somehow, everything went back to normal. What happened becomes a laughable thing. I have lots of other things to be thankful with rather than investing too much emotion for something that doesn’t worth it…

Crossing the border to Georgia seemed to be a great start again. It feels good to be back again to a place that inspired me to do solo travel more. But it didn’t last long. I was warned again regarding some stuff. At least, I am aware and I am thankful for it. I have lots of why’s again. Should I have to end traveling soon or should I go on?

Lost and faded. I was confronting myself which direction should I take. It was difficult. A friend came and that was somehow a comfort zone. No advises given. But with somebody to talk about anything with whom you trust, that was a relief. But it only end up with another goodbye. I wasn’t tolerating goodbyes anymore. It is one of the flaws of traveling that I realised now.

I’ve learned life’s lessons the hard way through this travel. I can’t travel long, I know. With unstable finances and emotions now, I decided that I am going back to Abu Dhabi. I’ll go back to a place where I know I can be tough, a fighter, emotionally stable and be back to the nursing career.

Georgia remains to be great. Wonderful people around, but I’ve learned my lesson not to be attached anymore. Goodbyes won’t be hard this time.

I will be continuing to go to the countryside of Georgia where I wasn’t able to explore before. I hope to be able to recharge close to nature.

What I pray for now is to get a job back in Abu Dhabi that I would surely love, with good money (of course!) and who will easily approve leave requests (ensha’allah.)

I know Romania is still waiting for me, same with Kygyzstan and even Czech Republic. Iran seems so interesting as well. And how will I forget Turkey if Cappadocia is giving me some chance to stay in one of its cave hotels. And of course, I will come running back to Armenia and Georgia. But before everything else, let me realign priorities in UAE then go to my beloved, The Philippines.

 

1 Comment

  • maida says:

    Hope to see u before i leave. ..take care..& see u soon..but in case u have another plan…i want u to know that u are not alone in your journey in life…so continue to be an Inspiration. .

Leave a Comment